Eric S. Raymond: Arrogant Gas Baron

The following exposé, written under extreme duress, is the result of an information leak out of ESR's SourceForge fortress that is the center of his refinery compounds and gas chambers within his insidious Gas Barony.

The information did not come cheaply, however, and that is why I believe that this story must be published. A troll, in the guise of a hired Hessian mercenary, infiltrated ESR's SourceForge compound with the fullest of confidence among the dread Slashdot Moderators and the loathed GNU Patrol. It is in this expose that I detail the significant information the document that the covert troll gave his life to bring me contained.

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Ghetto Party at FaeryMan's Crib

On my way home from the bar, and after I dropped off this guy I met there (he was drunk and I figured he needed a ride home because he didn't remember anything), I figured I'd stop by this party I'd heard about, being held by faeryman at his pad.

My shirt was ruined, as the guy had vomited all over me at a few different points, so I took it off and threw it out the window, and just put on my black leather biking jacket as I neared faeryman's driveway. The smell of the leather mixed with my own sweat and put me into a good mood as I pulled onto faeryman's yard. I was ready for a party, and knowing my fellow trolls would be there, the two cases of cheap, illegally imported Mexican beer in my back seat looked all the better in my rearview mirror. So did the illegally-imported Mexican immigrant.

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Error 808, eBay Troll

With a pause and a cough Error 808 continued on in his conversation with Trollaxor.

“My mom suggested I fly home but there will probably be nothing to do. I'd be better spending the money on Transformers,” he stated in monotone.

Trollaxor's muttering could be heard on the speaker of Error 808's custom-built cellphone, which had been a gift from Trollaxor long ago. Suddenly Error 808 interrupted the voice on the other end.

“Hey I have to get going. I'll talk to you later,” Error 808 muttered, and then quickly ended the transmission, looking at the phone's LCD screen with a gleam in his eye: Call Duration: 00:59, it blinked at him.

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An Apology

Hi. As you can tell this is Trollaxor.

I created this account because I thought it would be funny to troll Slashdot. It may be funny to troll Slashdot, but not in the manner I have been.

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Troll Wars

It was three in the morning. The moonless night engulfed three individuals in complete darkness. Three individuals who moved, with surprising grace, toward a single destination. Three individuals on a campaign; a mission. A campaign to rid Slashdot of lame trolls. A mission to ultimately destroy Slashdot forever.

A low candle flame, flickering slightly in the crisp Autumn night breeze, lit the storm sewer corridors and access tubes with a deep yellow pallor. Faint whisperings, little more than leaves brushing against ancient cement walls to the rest of the world, could be heard.

“Where is Alan? I thought I saw him approaching a moment ago,” Trollaxor hissed. Standing a full six foot, with slicked-back black hair and a few day's worth of stubble, Trollaxor looked every bit the revolutionary in his black leather biking jacket. His green eyes pierced the dimly lit darkness, awaiting a response.

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Tips for Trolling: ASCII Art

One of the most creative ways to express ones self in Slashdot's forums is with graphical, artistic representations; art. Since Slashdot (unfortunately for trolls) does not allow the embedding of objects, such as images and sounds, in HTML-coded comments, graphics must be constructed using textual characters: ASCII art.

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Tips for Trolling: Trick Links

Post legitimate-looking comments containing links to “further information” that really lead the reader to:

• a picture of a disgusting, mutilated, rotting human corpse
• the Goatse.cx picture
• pictures from a gay fetish site (piss drinking, glory holes, barnyard promiscuity, etc.)

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New Directions For Kernel Development

Hi. I'm Linus Torvalds, creator of the Open Source operating system Linux. I'm glad CmdrTaco and company have created a forum for Open Source news and views, and I am so thankful for being able to post in the Slashdot forums. But now I must get something off my chest.

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I Have Relinquished My Linux Duties

Hey gang, Alan Cox here again.

I wanted to let everyone know that I am discontinuing my work on the Linux TCP/IP stack. After admitting to myself that it sucks, I felt I was disservicing the community with my niggardly code.

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Allow Me to Introduce Myself

Hi. I'm Alan Cox, Open Source advocate, Linux advocate, and primary coder for Linux's TCP/IP stack. I hope I'm welcome in the Slashdot forums, as til this point, I've been a totally arrogant, antisocial bastard to the community which barely pays for my lifestyle.

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