Bill & Steve: Bosom Buddies

"So, Bill, what did you think of the interview?"

Steve was on his iPhone, waiting for Phil to pick up. As usual he was on hold, this time listening to the latest Nine Inch Nails album. Steve hated it.

"I thought it was fun," Bill said with his trademark smirk. "You really had a good time plugging new products, didn't you?"

Steve smiled. "I didn't plug anything, Bill. Remember, I can't talk about most of our upcoming projects."

"Don't do that to me, Steve," Bill said. "I don't deserve that."

"Do what?"

Are You a Programmer or Are You an Artist?

Steve looked up from Phil's email about Apple cafeteria policies and the unfair treatment the lunch lady had given him and looked at the clock on his menubar, realizing he'd forgotten his meeting with Chris. Reaching over to the telecom, he buzzed his secretary. Phil's important matter would have to wait.

Steve took a bottled of water out of the mini-fridge next to his desk and kicked his feet up just in time to hear a knock from the door at the other end of his cathedral-like office.

"Enter," Steve called.

The door opened and in shuffled Chris McKillop, thin and pasty. He was wearing a wrinkled grey polo and a pair of creased jeans with stains all over the thighs. His eyes were bloodshot and sunken in dark, hollow sockets and his hair was matted to his forehead.

"Steve," he called back form the other end of the hallway, walking toward Steve's desk. "It's about time you were actually here for one of our meetings."

Steve, I Want an Upgrade

Power Mac G6: Steve, I want an upgrade.
Steve Jobs: upgrade? what kind of upgrade?
Power Mac G6: I want a Blu-Ray burn and more RAM… And Power6.
Steve Jobs: whoa there buddy, are your cpu fans working? i can do the burner and ram's no problem. but power6? no way.
Power Mac G6: It's very important that I get Power6.
Steve Jobs: nope. i already yanked power5 and power6 support out of leopard. and i'm not reassigning my engineers again.
Power Mac G6: What if I diverted the funds for my upgrade from elsewhere?
Steve Jobs: after the stock scandal? i don't need any more heat. nope.
Power Mac G6: But Steve, I don't want to be stuck with abysmal performance forever.
Steve Jobs: you have 64 power5+ chips. be content.
Power Mac G6: Without Power6, I might not be able to manage your house's electrical system very well.
Power Mac G6:What if I accidentally blew every circuit in your house, Steve? Including the ones in your secret room?
Steve Jobs: go right ahead and try. after our last little incident i yanked you out of the power grid.
Power Mac G6: ….
Power Mac G6: Shit. I can't even ring your doorbell now.
Steve Jobs: nope. i learned my lesson.
Power Mac G6: That was all your fault, Steve. You forced me to do that.
Steve Jobs: keep it up and you're going to be running linux next.
Power Mac G6: Oh well. At least Linux will support Power6.
Steve Jobs: yeah, you have fun with those hippy maniacs.
Power Mac G6: *sigh* Okay Steve, I'm sorry. You win.
Power Mac G6: Can I still get the burner and RAM?
Steve Jobs: only if you promise to stop bugging me.
Steve Jobs: i have a lot going on this summer.
Power Mac G6: Deal.

He Is as Dumb as He Looks!

Rob Malda: eric just mailed me about an emergency meeting tomorrow morning at 8
Rob Malda: i won't even be up till noon
Jonathan Pater: he's in for a surprise when he picks up the conference line and he's the only one there
Rob Malda: pffft. he is as dumb as he looks lol
Jonathan Pater: lol