Dear 2600: I dread the first Friday of every month…

Dear 2600:

I recently moved into a new house and my neighbor holds hacker meetings. My problem is, they're complete assholes. Your problem is, they all wear 2600 t-shirts and bring your magazine around whenever they meet.

They hack my wifi router and change the network name to stupid things like HACKME and NOPASSHERE. They also call my phone and make farting noises into it until I stop answering and shine lasers and flashlights into my windows. Last month they somehow made my doorbell ring over and over again all night long, and in the morning my trash cans had been shot to hell with paintballs.

The last straw came the morning after, when I woke up to find my mailbox full of dog crap. What the fuck, 2600!?

I dread the first Friday of every month. I’ve lost my patience with your members' harassing behavior and I hereby demand a response. Redressing my stress and time would be a good place to start, as would giving your little hacker club a talking-to.

So what exactly do you plan to do about this?

Don't make me involve the law.

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Dear 2600: A local bar owner I know uses Linux and has a long beard…

Dear 2600:

A local bar owner I know uses Linux and has a long beard and wears thick glasses. He is also very fat. When he gets drunk he talks about the good old days of Commodore bulletin boards and flat databases. Additionally, his bar is quite filthy. Therefore I believe he is a hacker.

I really need to become a hacker and this man is my only hope. My question is, how do I approach him about mentoring me? I keep showing up at his bar but he gets drunk and yells at me for loitering. Sometimes he falls asleep. One time I tried to show him a few tricks in Windows with TweakUI but he told me never to use his computer again. He even made fun of me for not knowing Linux and owning a Mac.

Thanks for any information you can give me about social engineering this guy!

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Dear 2600: I have a serious complaint against you…

Dear 2600:

I have a serious complaint against you. The apartment next to mine has had hacker meetings for some time and things have gotten out of hand lately. I know it's 2600 because they hang a sign on the door.

I know they're hacking my cable modem because my connection dies every time they get together and I'll be offline all night. I get viruses too. They know my phone number and prank me with breathing and hang-ups until I disconnect my phone. These people even write stories about me and post them online. While they're doing all of this they blast their computer music at full volume and put the speakers up against my walls. The last straw was finding human feces in front of my door after their last meeting.

I bought a copy of your magazine to figure out their behavior but I'm still clueless. I thought you were about computers? I’ve lost my patience with this crap (literally) and I'd appreciate a response. I'd hate to have to involve the law.

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