An urgent matter of national security has come to my attention. A devious Iranian twink with an ego to match Rob Malda's is exercising a reign of terror on irc.slashnet.org. In this essay I will detail where Emad El-Haraty (Emad
) came from, how he created his power-base, and what he intends to do with it. Some of the content may shock you. Though used to paranoia, faggotry, and blatant egoism, trolls are not used to dealing with issues of international terrorism. Hopefully this essay will prepare you before it's too late.
Personal Background
Emad was born in a donkey stable in Mustfuq, Iran, in 1982, shortly after the beginning of the heated Iran-Iraq war. His parents were lowly dung farmers, and Emad was destined to inherit his father's trade. However, six years later the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, on a tour of the nation celebrating the Iranian victory
over Iraq, took a liking to six year old Emad. The Ayatollah demanded that the child become a page in his entourage.
Apparently being a page in the Ayatollah's entourage meant lots and lots of gay sex with his Holiness, and Emad was soon introduced to Iranian faggotry. Six year old Emad was forced to stroke the Ayatollah's beard and jack him off while whispering I love you, Holy Grandfather,
in the Ayatollah's ear. Upon ejaculation Emad would to lick the Ayatollah's seed from the ground and snowball it into the Ayatollah's mouth.
In 1989, when the Ayatollah Khomeini passed into the next world, Emad was shattered. Being only seven he couldn't understand why the love of his life had left him. Emad became depressed and left the holy court in an attempt to quench his faggot thirst for beards and hard circumcised cocks.
Technology Beckons
In 1993, after years of hard life on the streets of Iran's dirtiest cities and whoring his hairless young body at the drop of a Rial, eleven year old Emad met up with a group of Iranian hackers. Being fat and smelling typically like armpits, these hackers hadn't had sex in years. Young Emad, his smooth body full of promise, seemed to be the answer. They offered him room and board so long as he would feed any sexual urges the hackers had.
Emad picked up computer skills alongside the scat parties held by the lonely hackers. Between sucking farts and eating spicy Iranian turds directly from the hackers' asses, Emad learned Linux userland utilities. For every time Emad's anus was stretched and his rectum torn by eager gay faggot Iranian hacker cock, he learned a new Linux kernel compile option. Every quart of semen that found its way to Emad's stomach cooresponded to a deluge of Linux lingo and elitist thought. And by the time 1997 rolled around, Emad was virtually one of the hackers, save that he could take the largest of dark meat in his ass with nary a gasp or twitch. It was then that Emad was told the Iranian Secret.
The Great Satan
America, Emad was told by the Iranian Linux hackers, was the Great Satan, the enemy of all the virtues and truths and graces of the Muslim religion. It was a Jihad, Emad was further told, to destroy America and all it stood for. This was the reason why Linux was created, and this was the reason why the Iranians had adopted it as their OS of choice and trained legions of hackers. Emad's eyes grew wide and lit up as the truth washed over him. Years of taking dick in every orifice available finally meant more than just the pleasure he gained from it. Emad knew he could destroy America through its own faggot underground and the Linux skills he had learned.
Emad was on a plane days later, ready to take on America and make its hackers pay.
Enter Slashdot
By 1999, the Year of the Beast, Emad had been living in squalor in Long Island, in the midst of infidels. He had been trying to hook himself up with the anti-American faggot hacker underground, but so far had only been successful in luring men back to his economy apartment for round after round of scat sex. The turds weren't as spicy in America, as they always said, and the lack of Persian flavor in the Jewish brownmeat was a bland change from what he knew. And then one day, while cleaning up his diarrhea-splattered walls and piss-soaked sheets and pillows, he found a piece of paper that had fallen out of his latest partner's pocket. It said, simply, slashdot.org.
Minutes later Emad was logged in and turned on. He had found his means to take down America; he had found America's gay homosexual cock-lusting faggot hacker culture.
Say Hello to Slashnet
After posting frequently to Slashdot, Emad became aquainted with its Rogues' Gallery of editors: Rob Malda, Editor-in-Chief, terrible speller, and Faggot Supreme; Hemos, the bitchboy of Open Source and Free Software leaders; Emmet, the fat, sweaty Steve Jobs wannabe; Timothy, gullible Timothy, who made it feel alright to buy the hype; and Michael Sims, faggot Nazi editor/censor and minion of ESR. Emad was elated! He could fit right into this circle-jerk of talentless ego and maniacal homosexuality! A few emails later, he and Rob Malda had worked out a plan. Something was brewing at the Geek Compound, and Emad seemed to be the right man for the job. Slashdot was launching its own IRC network. And IRC networks need IRC Operators, supreme authorities of the chat servers.
Soon after, irc.slashnet.org went live, to the jubilation of gays and slashbots everywhere. Now they could interact in real time, while sitting naked and stinky in the safety of their own basements!
Emad's Gang
To Emad, his job was not work. It was joy. He got to kick, ban, devoice, password protect, and kline to his heart's content. He was a regular in #gay as well as #slashdot, and (ab)used his power as IRC Operator to hook himself up with new and exciting sexual partners. There was dwiii, the skinny, transparently-skinned faggot who likened himself a tech-elitist. He was hairless save for his genitals and his shoulders sloped near the top: a real twink! XirHo, whose name means taker of dick in mouth joyously
in Mandarin, and who liked to play gay online email games, was another of Emad's favorites and soon had Emad hooked on trading gay erotica. DrDink was yet another depraved individual who had cleverly invented what is now know as Chocolate Milk
in gay circles: after sucking off a huge throbbing gay dick, one would retain the semen in his mouth long enough to mix it with several squirts of diarrhea happily supplied by a fellow scat-loving donor. Emad was turned on by this and became fast friends with DrDink.
It wasn't long before Emad and his gang of he-bitches had a stranglehold on Slashnet, as he and Rob Malda had planned, and Slashnet was soon turned to promoting homosexuality. When individuals that fought for freedom and righteousness logged on, they were harassed and eventually banned from the server.
Summary
Hopefully you realize the depth of what I have just revealed to you. Emad is a desperate homosexual who has gathered a band of like-minded loser techie faggots and rules irc.slashnet.org with an iron fist in an attempt to undermine American values. His team, along with Slashdot, Open Source, and Free Software are slowly spreading STDs and homosexual thought among the youth of America's hacker culture. Unite before it's too late! You are now armed with the knowledge. Protect yourself and fight for freedom before you, too, become one of the censored!
