Jan 19, 2014

Eric S. Raymond's Intimidatingly Huge Turd List

In order not to lose track of things, I just put together a list of my past turds related to gut transition, butt cleanup, and TP.

11/12/2013: Tried 45 minutes grunting for something the size and shape of a tennis ball. Did not try it to see if it bounced. Blood in the TP. Roughly 2.6″ diameter.

11/20/2013: Rolling dump from last night’s hot dogs and creamed corn. Smelled like anchovies for some reason. Haven’t had anchovies in two weeks. WTF? 11″ × 2.25″

11/30/2013: One day after Thanksgiving dinner. I was stuffed like a turkey. Unchewed lima beans, corn kernels present. 15″ × 2.1″

12/02/2013: Likely from all the popcorn and hummus yesterday. Felt like I was passing mashed potatoes mixed with crushed eggshells. I should chew more. Light brown, smelled like Elmer’s Glue with a hint of garlic. 12″ × 2″

12/12/2013: Loved the zhūxiěgāo I ordered the other day. Pork blood turns purple in your poop. Smelled like a women’s restroom. 9″ × 1.75″

12/17/2013: A semi-solid mess from a large dinner of clams and pasta in olive oil sauce. Smelled like old seafood in a hot dumpster. Black and brown. 8″ x 1.5″

12/24/2013: X marks the spot! Crapped identical twin turds in anticipation of Christmas. Long, light brown, smelled like regular old poop. Probably from the entire loaf of French bread I had the other day. 10″ × 2″

12/26/2013: Oh my god. This one smelled, felt, and looked like a greased pig. Doubtless from my Christmas ham. Huge floater, thought it might jump out. 13″ × 2.4″

01/01/2013: Reeks like rotten cabbage from last night’s sauerkraut. The thing was literally the same size and shape as a Colt M1991A Officer's Model. Wouldn’t go down, was in so much pain I threw the fucker out the window.

Happy new year!

1 comment:

  1. That's like, fucked up man

    ReplyDelete