Dear Pat Robertson: Anal Hygeine & God
Dear Pat Robertson:
I'm afraid that wiping too vigorously after using the restroom will make me gay. Usually I try closing my eyes and praying during the moment of defecation and wiping but I'm till terrified. I thought of installing a bidet that sprays holy water but I'm afraid it won't be enough. How do I avoid becoming homosexual and angering god?
Thank you.
4 comments:
Dear Trollaxor;
pray for stronger faith first. You'll receive faith strong enough that you'll believe that God will protect you from being gay, no matter how nice (how very nice in deed) wiping your ass feels. Even playing with a variety of strawberry-scented anal vibrators will be safe and you'll have full protection from gayness in God's strong, manly, loving arms and throbbing holy crotch of divinity.
Thank you so much for this advice. It's exactly what I needed to hear. God bless you!
Evangelicals don't use or believe in holy water, as it is unscriptural. However, I can recommend a fine quality douche, such as Summer's Eve.
Holy shit.
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