Open Source Health Alert

June 12, 2007 8:37 PM

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — There are dangerous biological side effects of using alcohol and Open Source software.

By now the public is aware of Open Source's association with homosexuality and therefore with AIDS, male prostitution, and anal fissures, but today the CDC issued a health advisory about a new issue relevant to individuals involved in the Open Source community. After months of testing and retesting, a dangerous suspicion has been confirmed. The use of alcohol and Open Source software can cause human DNA to become unstable and mutate.

The hypothetical etiology works as follows: Open Source causes DNA to become unstable which accelerates and amplifies mutations in your body's cells.

When alcohol is introduced into into this already-degrading process, the effects grow by an entire order of magnitude. So for example, while a human male is expected to begin greying in his late twenties, lose muscle tone by his late thirties, and accumulate fat deposits by his mid-forties, simultaneous alcohol and Open Source increases the rate of these natural DNA degradation.

The graphic below displays an example of an alcohol/Open Source mutation, the victim of which is now barely recognizable as human. Sensitive readers may wish to look away, but the fact remains clear. If you value your health and the health of your children, do not drink alcohol and use Open Source software.

Eric S. Raymond, who drank Jägermeister and used Open Source software.

Do not mix Open Source and alcohol — the consequences can be devastating!