The Disease Has Continued Its Spread

To all of my dearest friends:

Well, I've been to the doctor recently and things don't look good. In the last five months, the infection has spread and doubled. I'm now 26% emo. We're still trying to understand why the anti-emo measures we've taken haven't been working as well as we hoped. At this rate, I'll be over 50% emo by the end of August, and that is the point of no return, where I will have no hope to ever recover from emo again. This is a lot worse than I thought things would be, but not as scary as it seemed at the time.

One of the first things my doctor and I agreed on as a measure to slow the spread of the disease was to listen to gangsta rap, and lots of it. He also recommended a lot of ballsy hard rock, but my immune system can't handle Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park, so I just stuck with the hip-hop that I had in my collection. Apparently the Gravediggaz and Wu-Tang Clan weren't powerful enough to slow or reverse the spread of emo in my system.

I tried changing my diet as well. At the time I discovered that I was 13% emo, I had been a a semi-vegetarian, eating fish and eggs and dairy as well as fruits and vegetables. I immediately added red meat — cow and pig and deer that I kill myself — to my diet, and cut down on the tofu. Despite taking the pussy-ass hippie shit out of my diet and adding some good old fashioned blood and iron to it, it seemed to have little or no effect on the situation. Now I eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and milk because I'm depressed all of the time.

Exercise was another major factor in my attempts to overcome the disease. Most emo people are emaciated and skinny ("skinny boi love" is prevalent in emo circles). My doctor recommended exercise in order to tone my muscles and eventually add mass, hence avoiding the skinny-boi aspect of emo. Bout after bout of opportunistic disease, such as constipation, hangover, sinus infection, and explosive diarrhea cut so deeply into my exercise schedule that it I never saw the benefits I'd hoped for. I still try to work out a little to this day, but it makes little, if any, difference.

Where I stand now is a little more desperate than last time. There's a new round of drugs recently approved for use against emo, including DXM, that I'll be taking now. Luckily, DXM is available OTC in various Tussin preparations, and the cost will be relatively cheap. Most insurance companies don't recognize emo as a disease yet, and so do not offer coverage for the special treatments available for it today. This is why most emo kids are terribly poor and have terrible hygeine.

I know that no matter the cost, I'll continue to fight this until I slow its spread and reverses. As long as I can meet this goal before Autumn, I have a chance to make a full recovery.

Thanks for listening. You have no idea the difference just having friends that are willing to listen to me discuss my personal demons makes. I love you all and can't forget your friendship in this dark time.

Sincerely,

Trollaxor