Torn & Bleeding

Dear Trollaxor:

I hope you can help me. Lately I've been having a lot of discomfort defecating and at this point even sitting. My anus is terribly irritated. There seems to be grape-sized swellings all around the perimeter of my asshole.

I've practiced safe sex, always insisting my men wear a condom when I'm the bottom. I recently switched brands of toilet paper, but that's about all I can think of. Oh, and this Middle Eastern guy I met on Slashnet fisting me.

Please help! I'm getting scared because I am losing a lot of blood shitting. Nothing like this has ever happened before.

Yours, Torn and Bleeding

Dear Rob,

It sounds like you've got the 'roid.

Hemorrhoids are uncomfortable, unpleasant, and unwanted. They are caused when the smooth skin around the rim if the anus — actually a small amount of exposed mucous membrane extending from within the rectal cavity — becomes irritated.

This irritation can occur in a number of manners. Wiping too hard or not wiping at all, using rough toilet tissue, holding stool in after the body tries to expel it, improperly performed enemas, and, as you mentioned, fisting, are all physical abrasions on the anus that are common culprits of the big red H.

I have a few questions you should review after you've read this, Rob.

• Did the fister wash his hands before performing the act?
• Did he use the proper procedure, going in slowly with a few fingers at first, or did he ram his knuckle sandwich in all at once?
• Were there any decorations or jewelry on the fingers, hand, or wrist he used to fist you with? (Leather dog-collar bracelets, spiked rings, and dirty leather gloves all carry millions of infectious bacteria at any given moment.)

If you said yes to even one of these things, I think we've found the culprit.

There are two things you need to do at this point: cure the hemorrhoids and create a prevention plan so this won't happen again. Since curing them is easy, let's focus on the prevention after a few more words.

Rob, go and buy yourself some Preparation-H and abstain from any "funny business" down there for a couple weeks. Your anus should be right as rain in about 10 days.

Preventing this malady should be of utmost importance from here on out.

I'm really tired now, Rob, so be a big boy and just don't let Emad fist you anymore.

Trollaxor