GNU's Not Straight!

finger

This filthy piece of software is perpetuated over the net by the FSF under the guise of being able to “finger” any server and gathering info on a specific user. Its real purpose, however, is far sicker. Finger refers to the act of inserting a finger or two into an anus and fetching feces to ingest or smear all over your gay lover. The devious metaphor of information retrieval broken!

goose

A goose is when a gay male (usually a Linux user) attempts to insert his index finger into another male's anus through his trousers, usually done without the victim's prior consent. This program obviously promotes forcing homosexual fun on unsuspecting straight men in hopes of converting them to homosexuality and Linux use.

help2man

There's no questioning the faggot nature behind this program. After scrutinizing the source code, I found that subliminal messages are printed to the screen and subsequently cleared every 60 microseconds that induce extreme homoerotic imagery in the victim/user. Though GNU documentation states this is a tool for generating manual pages, it's really obviously a tool to initiate gay thought and cock-lust in not-yet-gay Linux users.

mailman

“Software to help manage email discussion lists,” says the FSF site. More like “software to help manage homosexual discussion lists!” After looking through its source code, I found that versions .001 through .94 were actually called maleman, the name-change in version .95 made to enable easier distribution of this package — the original name sounded too gay for the masses, and the FSF knew it! Unless the topic of the mail thread being managed has something to do with depraved homosexual activity, the chances of losing data increase some 50%, thereby promoting homosexual discussion of cocks, rimjobs, and such. This is accomplished by means of a strcompare() and a hash table.

make

Let's look at the FSF's “innocent” description of this universal utility: “automatically determines which pieces of a large program need to be recompiled, and issues commands to recompile them” It's easy to see the gay meaning behind this. “Pieces of a large program” refers to an erect male penis, while “need to be recompiled” is symbolic of “needs to be buried deep within a male colon.” Issuing commands is simple enough. Who hasn't seen a gay porno where some hairless, lusty-eyed twink is getting his ass torn apart by monster dick while screaming “Fuck me, fuck me, oh God fuck me!?”

midnight commander

Oh my God!!! How blatant can the FSF get? Midnight Commander is described as “a user friendly and colorful Unix file manager and shell, useful to novice and guru alike.” Hello! Can this refer to anyone else but Rob “Commander Taco” Malda, editor in chief of Slashdot.org? No one else is as willing as he to be “useful to novice and guru alike.” Rob Malda is known to go down on a variety of Linux users, whether they are newbies or gurus, young or old, Jewish, African, Hispanic, or Caucasian (hence him being a “colorful” Unix manager). Needless to say, running this program grabs all of your personal information and emails it to Rob Malda, who then builds a “client list” and visits you when you least expect it.

patch

The FSF fags thought they could get clever with this one. Not while I'm around! Patch is distributed under the guise of a software updating utility. Ha! Patch refers to a common tactic used by gays for spontaneous sex: cuts are made in the anus-cock area of tight jeans, which allows a piece of masking tape to keep this “patch” shut when the genitals and ass-cunt are not in use (i.e., rarely). Again, as in other GNU programs, the user is submitted to subliminal flashes of instructions on how to create such a patch for gay fun.

sauce

Disgusting! Sauce is how faggots and shit-freaks refer to the post-coital discharge issued from the anus after a marathon ass-pounding. It is a sickening combination of semen, blood, and feces. It may also include anything else the fags thought was cool to put up their asses as well!

shtool

One consonant away from stool, otherwise known as shit or feces. It's “portable shell tool for use inside source trees of free software packages.” Hmm... Let's think about this one. Portable shell tool for use inside source trees of free software packages... Could they be referring to some mechanical device inserted inside of one another's anuses!? Source tree is obviously homo/GNU-slang for assholes. Free software packages, therefore, is faggot-speak for “gay anuses.” RMS's propaganda would have us believe being “free” means being gay. I'd avoid this piece of software if I were you.